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Top Questions of our Time Series: Sex
Slam bam thank you Ma’am or Mr.? That’s some people’s method and it works for those who mutually agree they want a quick fix. But for most people this is not the method of choice. So, why is it that this is so prevalent? The reason for this could be that American culture is simply not accepting of sexuality in general and that is why sexuality leaks into what many consider to be ‘shadow’ areas, such as pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution. Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, would definitely label sexuality as the shadow side of our culture. For most people who watch or visit these areas, it’s not something they discuss with their acquaintances or even their family and friends. In fact, the actual act of having sex with a person is not discussed too openly in our culture. Alfred Kinsey was one of the first and most famous people to openly discuss this cultural issue in public. Sure, sex is flashed in our faces on TV shows, movies, and advertisements, but few people actually openly discuss the act of having sex with another person.
For whatever reason that is, this is an article that is going to discuss one of the top questions of our time: What is a great way to have sex, even for those who are inhibited. I am going to explain a term, I am certain I am not the first to use it, or explain concepts like it, however, I have not seen the term before. That term is Mindful Sex. Mindful sex involves slightly slowing down in every aspect of the act of sex, from creating the setting, to the foreplay, to the actual act of sex, whatever you consider that to be. The following is the gist of it:
Setting:
This part is not necessary if the act of sex is spontaneous in any given moment. If it is not spontaneous, sometimes it is a good idea to set the setting. When creating the setting, whether you are lighting candles, putting on music, or preparing special lingerie, moving slightly slower than you usually would. As you move slower begin to pay attention to your senses. If you are lighting candles, notice what you are lighting it with, is it a match, a lighter? Notice what the flame looks like, how it moves, does the candle have a smell, if so, take a moment to inhale it. If you are setting up special lingerie, take a moment to feel the lingerie. Is it made of silk? How does the silk feel? Are you spraying perfume/cologne on it? Take an extra moment to inhale that. You get the idea, with anything you are doing, move slightly slower and take a moment to pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. You do not need to think about any of this, just notice your sensations. If you notice you are thinking about something, notice that and then simply bring your attention back to what you are sensing. By moving slightly slower you have the opportunity to do this and in return make the process more meaningful and enjoyable.
Foreplay and Sex:
Some people consider foreplay to be sex, some consider intercourse to be sex. So I am putting them together because these ideas apply to both of them. There are many aspects to foreplay and sex and different people will have different variations on what they like. The tragedy of it all is that most people, having not felt free to discuss sex in public and they have only relied on what the media has influenced them to think about how sex should be. While they’ve had sex, they have never freely explored it on their own. Some people like to start out with oils and massage, some people like to start out with kissing all over the body, while others are into more fetish areas such as acting out a fantasy of being ruled over by a dominant figure of some kind (e.g., dominatrix). As far as fetish goes, this goes as far as our imagination can take us.
As you practice Mindful Sex you will give yourself the chance to discover what it is that you really like and you will begin to feel more comfortable communicating that to whomever you are having sex with, even if that person is yourself (i.e., masturbation). Here is the gist:
As you begin to practice mindful sex, it is important to remember one thing: Whatever it is that you are doing, do it slightly slower than usual. This does not mean go in slow motion, it means just go slightly slower than you would think to go. As you move slightly slower, you give yourself the opportunity to really be there in that moment and notice things that you may not have noticed. If you are giving a massage, you get to feel how the person’s skin actually feels, is there a scent to the oil? If so, inhale it. If the oil is edible, take an extra moment to lick it and truly taste it in your mouth. Look over your partner and take a moment to take in all the little nuances of the person’s body. By slightly slowing down, you also allow yourself to relax a bit, and this not only helps in making this a richer experience, but also helps reduce anxiety if that is an issue (e.g., being overly sensitive or premature ejaculation).
You can apply this in every moment of sex that you find yourself in. For example, when you are giving oral sex, go slightly slower and notice the smell and taste involved, feel the texture of the other person, is it soft/rough? What does the person’s vagina or penis look like? As you go slightly slower you’ll find that it is not so difficult to notice these things and it will draw you deeper into the experience and give you the gift that you have not been privy to experience in the past.
Ofcourse, you can apply this to intercourse as well. No matter your gender or sexual orientation, there is often some sort of sexual intercourse involved. It is important to let your partner know that you want to go slightly slower this time in whatever way you feel comfortable communicating that. As the intercourse begins, notice the sensations you are feeling. All parts of you are experiencing sensations from your head to your penis or vagina to your feet. If you find yourself thinking about something, notice that you are thinking about something and gently bring yourself back to your sensations. If you find yourself judging your self or the other person, just notice that you are judging and gently bring yourself back to your sensations.
Gifts:
Paying attention to your sensations may also broaden your horizons on things you want to do. Maybe you notice that while having intercourse that you are not tasting anything so you decide to taste your partner by kissing or licking him/her. Maybe you want to smell your partner more to bring in that sensation. Maybe you open your ears and begin to hear what the sex you are having sounds like. Maybe you’re now noticing for the first time what other areas of your body are being touched during intercourse besides your penis, vagina, or nipples. You might just discover an erotic area of your body that you had not noticed before (e.g., back of the knees, toes).
Having mindful sex is simply a teaching and a suggestion. If a spontaneous act of aggressive sex comes out and it is not a slightly slowed down process, than that is Ok too. This is simply an opportunity to broaden your awareness about yourself during the act of sex and deepening the richness of your experience. Of all things we have to experiment with on this planet, this is surely one of the top. So, responsibly, go off and try this out, have fun, and broaden your horizons! You may just find that sex is a far more sensual and sacred experience than you had previously imagined.
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Excerpt from The Steroid Deceit
Having abused steroids for three and a half years, I was always afraid of being found out. I took pains to keep my steroid use hidden from my parents. They thought my newfound muscles were the result of all the time I spent at the gym, as well as the various supplements and powders that I always seemed to be taking. Little did they realize that some of those pills I called “vitamins” were actually oral steroids.
The façade to my life of deceit began to crack, when I received a panicked phone call from my mother. She had evidently found one of my syringes.
I rushed home. Since using steroids, I had become a much better liar than I ever could have imagined, and naturally I was ready to give her an Academy Award winning performance.
My mother was waiting for me at the front door, and started in on me as I made my way up the pathway. “Are you using heroin?"
“Mom,” I told her, offering her a big smile. “You’ve got it all wrong.”
She waved the syringe in her hand as if to say, “How could this be wrong?”
I didn’t stop smiling, even though inwardly I was cursing myself for having been careless with my needles. I had slipped up. Until that mistake I had always cleaned up after my usage and secreted everything away. While my mother brandished the syringe, I was doing some waving of my own, showing her a prescription form. By this time we were in the house.
“I am not a junkie, Mom,” I told her. “I was given a prescription from a doctor.”
“What for?” she asked.
“For steroids,” I said, “only steroids.”
She still looked doubtful, so I said, “I’ll go show you.”
I went up to my room and returned with a vial. “See,” I said, showing her the vial, and then repeated, “It’s only steroids.”
It’s only steroids. As a parent I can tell you that if I heard those words from one of my two boys I would be as concerned as if my child had announced, “Don’t worry, it’s only heroin.”
I made a big show of throwing out the syringe and vial in front of my mother, My mother appeared pacified. Luckily, she didn’t know anything about steroids, and what I was saying must have sounded reasonable. Besides, my tossing out the vial and syringe clearly demonstrated that I didn’t have a problem. What she didn’t know was that I had a secret stash in my closet with dozens more vials and needles.
It was also a good thing she didn’t look closely at the prescription, or she might have wondered why a vet was prescribing a drug to a human. In my hunt for bigger and better steroids I had found a veterinarian willing to write me a scrip for equipoise, a steroid prescribed for horses. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had made copies of the prescription. I didn’t even have horse sense. I was a drug abuser with an illegal prescription covering up his habit by lying.
I wish my mother hadn’t trusted me. I wish she had challenged me. I wish she had taken note of all the warning signs my body and behavior were giving off, and had pulled me up short.
According to the U.S. Center of Disease Control, up to 6% of high school students have tried, or are using, steroids. Even if that figure is wildly exaggerated – even if it’s only half of that number – we are still talking about an incredible number of young people using steroids.
Teens typically use steroids to get buff, or try and get an athletic edge. What they don’t take into account is the potential hazards that come with the drugs.
Some of the side effects include: Psychological addiction; Depression and mood swings; Insomnia; Severe acne; Hair loss; Infertility; Liver disease; Testicular atrophy; Arteriosclerosis; Heart disease; Permanent stunting of growth; Feminization of males including breast swelling (gynecomastia – also known by steroid users as “bitch tits”); Stretch marks; Water retention; High blood pressure; Tendon and ligament damage
Specific side effects of females are: Virilization (becoming more masculine) of females, with such symptoms as excessive face and body hair, deepening of the voice which is irreversible; suppression of menses; decreased breast size; and enlargement of the clitoris;
It is hard to believe that given all the health risks associated with steroids that they continue to grow in popularity. I am afraid that either the message of their dangers isn’t getting out, or maybe it’s just that the other “message” is so much more prevalent that it’s hard to refute. When people look at the hard, muscled bodies presented by smiling, oversized human beings, they see a tempting portrait. Users and potential users are seduced by this picture of health and vitality. The picture doesn’t show the strain on the arteries, the wear and tear on the heart, or the pinball effect on the psyche.
Because society has not yet raised enough red flags over steroid use, the burden for this scrutiny has to fall on parents and loved ones. At the time I abused steroids they were an “under the radar” drug; my parents didn’t even know what they were. Public awareness about steroids has grown, but judging from their increased popularity, teens and adults have not yet come to the realization that using them means playing Russian roulette.
To protect their children from the dangers of steroids, parents need to be vigilant. For their own good, no child should be able to get away with what I did. It was wrong of me to pretend indifference about my drug habit and proclaim, “It’s only steroids.”
Steroid use is the hidden epidemic. Somehow the war on drugs has missed this target. Parents can’t afford to turn a blind eye, though. Among the warning signs parents should be looking for in a child who might be using steroids is: A rapid increase in the musculature of your child; Your child’s preoccupation or obsession with “getting big”; An outbreak of acne (predominately on chest and back) far and above the usual; Pronounced mood swings;The presence of muscle magazines (look for the usual smiling steroid figures on the cover). There’s an old axiom: if it’s too good to be true, beware. Those bodies are too good to be true;
Vials and pills and syringes – it is up to you to read the labels. I told my parents that the oral steroids I was taking were vitamins. Watch out for the following pills: Anadrol; Dianabol; Winstrol; tamoxifen; clenbuterol; clomifen citrate; masterolone
Anything in a vial is suspect (if it is in a vial, it is usually vile). The brand names are many and varied, but look for the following substances: stanazalol; nandrolone decanoate; nandrolone phenilpropionate; dromastolone dipropionate; and testosterone.
Despite all those misleading advertisements which claim you can lose 10 pounds of fat and put on 10 pounds of muscle in just a few days, it doesn’t happen that way. The human body doesn’t change overnight. When not using steroids, professional athletes are hard-pressed to put on 10 pounds of muscle in a year, even with rigorous workouts. If your child suddenly sprouts muscles, it is your job to be suspicious. Don’t be surprised if your teen credits those muscles to his or her pumping iron, and taking protein shakes and supplements. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that those pills and shakes are all but worthless. Invariably, the spokesperson for those kinds of products is a steroid abuser. The fact is that those supplements will not pack on the pounds and muscles as the manufacturers claim. Steroids will do that. They might also cause you to die or go crazy getting those muscles, but that’s not something you are ever likely to hear coming out of the mouth of Mr. Big Biceps.
What should a parent do if they discover that their child is using steroids? One of the first priorities is opening up a dialogue with your child and start discussing this risky behavior. One of my favorite sayings is, “There is nothing uglier than truth when it is not on your side.” Truth is a great antidote to combating steroid usage.
From the onset I would impress upon the child that what they are doing is both illegal and harmful. If you take a steroid, in the eyes of the law it’s the same thing as popping an amphetamine or Quaalude. Possession of steroids is a federal offense, and can result in jail time of up to one year in prison along with a fine up to a thousand dollars. If you manufacture or distribute steroids, the penalties are much more severe. It is common for many steroid users to sell or distribute their drugs. Doing a “favor” for another user can now result in a jail sentence.
Expect your child to be defensive. When you start explaining about health risks associated with steroids, you are sure to hear, “I don’t know anybody who has had those kinds of problems.” It is entirely possible they’ll be telling the truth. You will have to explain that sometimes the effects are not immediate, and sometimes they can’t be seen. Tell them that steroids are like cigarettes; often they debilitate over time.
You also have to try and impress upon them what I think of as “the X Factor.” Every day more evidence comes forward showing the detrimental effects of steroids. It’s only recently that steroids have been linked with depression, just as there have only been preliminary studies on steroids being a possible “gateway” drug. Before the mid-nineties, though, no one was talking about ‘roid rage. And before that no one had any idea about the potential for kidney damage and arteriosclerosis due to steroid usage.
Your child will tell you that steroids work, and he’ll be right. They do work, but it’s one of those cases of their working too well. Your child might not want to hear about heart disease or liver tumors or hardening of the arteries. You will hear about the strength gains, and the “incredible” workouts. Your response should be, “At what cost?” The human body is designed for certain maximum levels. Those who abuse steroids can, and do, spend more time at the gym or on the playing field, and are able to push themselves harder and longer. Sooner, usually than later, though, the human body rebels; joints tear and ligaments rip. It isn’t surprising that sports medicine has seen an epidemic of career ending injuries in the past decade. Steroids have given athletes a false platform upon which to perform; when that platform collapses, too often it is game, set, and match. This trend of serious injuries extends from high schools to the professional levels. Sports doctors say they are seeing a huge increase in tendon and muscle ruptures. That isn’t a coincidence. When bodies get pushed too hard, they snap even harder.
Student athletes are under enormous pressure to perform and that makes steroids tempting. Non-athletes feel their own pressures; everyone wants to look “buff” and fit. Parents should also tell their children that steroids are cheating. In simple terms of right and wrong, they are wrong, and you don’t want your child to be a cheater. If your son or daughter is looking for an athletic advantage, tell them that you don’t believe in winning at all costs and neither should they. Stress to them that the muscles they think they are getting are artificial and temporary, and if they want the real thing then they are going to have to work for it. Talk to your child and make sure his or her self-esteem is not dependent on body image. This will probably be another case where your child thinks you are old-fashioned and out of it; when your child grows up he will see how wise you were (but don’t expect to get thanked any time soon).
It is possible your child has body dysmorphia, with a resulting skewed view on what his/her body really looks like. Harrison Pope established a formula to calculate what he called the “fat-free mass index” (FFMI). Based on those calculations, the upper limits of musculature and build can be defined by their scoring system. The researchers found that a drug-free individual could be muscular, but in a proportional and natural way. Unfortunately, these days we see so many images of bodies accomplished through steroids that we don’t realize them for what they are – fakes. Teens need to have a realistic idea of what is normal body image, and what is abnormal.
When confronting a child’s usage of steroids, the natural reaction for any concerned parent is to ban steroids from the household. That prohibition won’t work, though, unless your child realizes it is in his own best interest to quit. Going off steroids is something that can be fraught with problems; consult with a doctor. Going “cold turkey” can have tragic consequences. If you get steroids out of your house, be aware that your child might seek out steroids through friends and find a way to try and hide further usage from you. Don’t be afraid of looking like the “bad guy.” Your child might not understand the serious consequences involved with steroid usage. If you suspect continued use of steroids, take your son or daughter to a physician and have them tested.
I would also strongly encourage you to get your child into counseling. Most males will resist this, and will no doubt insist that it’s unnecessary. These are the same males who might suffer severe depression in silence, not doing anything about it. Unfortunately their ultimate solution might be suicide. Without being overly dramatic, parents need to be on a “suicide watch” for a child that is using steroids, or has recently stopped. Coming “down” from steroids can be a perilous time, especially for young people. They need to understand what is happening to them. Because they have tinkered with their body chemistry, stopping steroid usage might result in considerable physical and mental shocks to the system.
When young men act rambunctious, people often roll their eyes and say, “Too much testosterone.” Imagine, then, too much testosterone for months and years at a time. Your child needs to know that’s what they wreaked upon their system, and that sometimes body and mind take time to find their way back to normal.
Take it from me; it will be one of the most important journeys they ever undertake.
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Impotence occurs when one is unable to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual intercourse. Although it tends to be more common in those who are over 40 year old, impotence can affect men of any age. A major study of impotence worldwide showed that over half of all men between 40 and 70 have some degree of impotence. At least one in ten men cannot get an erection at all.
This website is aimed at helping those of us who believe that our penile size is insufficient to satisfy a woman fully and completely. However, if we have symptoms of impotence or erectile dysfunction, we should seek treatment for these conditions as soon as we can from a doctor.
This is because impotence, even if it is just to the extent that the man cannot maintain an erection for a sufficiently long time during sexual intercourse, can also prevent a couple from having a fulfilling sexual relationship. Often, men will avoid sexual situations due to their emotional pain associated with impotence, causing their partner to feel rejected or inadequate. This also shows the importance of communicating openly with your partner, whether you may have symptoms of impotence or believe you have an inadequate penile size.
A possible cause of impotency is premature ejaculation. This is the inability to maintain an erection long enough for mutual satisfaction. Primary premature ejaculation is a learned behavior that begins when a male first become sexually active. Like any learned behavior, it can be unlearned.
Secondary premature ejaculation occurs when, after years of normal ejaculation, the duration of intercourse grows progressively shorter. This form of premature ejaculation is due to physical causes, usually involving the penile arteries, veins, or both.
Other possible causes of impotence include performance anxiety, which is usually caused by stress or anxiety, depression, organic impotence, which involves the penile arteries, veins, or both, diabetes, nerve problems, drug-induced impotence and hormone-induced impotence.
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Impotence or erectile dysfunction in men is a condition signifying his inability to perform a sexual act. The term impotence may also be used to describe other sexual problems such as lack of sexual desire, premature ejaculation or orgasm. Using the term erectile dysfunction makes it clear that those other problems are not involved. Erectile dysfunction (E.D) is related to the hardening of penile arteries which restricts the flow of blood to the penis thus making it unable to achieve or maintain an erection. This sexual dysfunction in men attributes its reasons to various physical and psychological factors. Though initially it was thought to be psychological reasons as the predominant factor for impotence but recent studies show that 70% of E.D cases are as a result of physical complications in men’s health.
Impotence has always been considered as an embarrassment factor by men but social awareness and medical advancement have helped in understanding that it is a disease and a medical condition which is treatable like any other disease. This attitude is strengthened by the advent of prescription drug Viagra, developed for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Viagra, since its approval by the Food and Drug Administration in 1998 have been able to bring back the sexual ability in men using it. And this is mainly due to the presence of its active ingredient - Sildenafil citrate : Sildenafil citrate works by relaxing the penile muscles affected by arteriosclerosis and initiates free flow of blood thus facilitating erection. But it is always advisable to consult a doctor before using Viagra because Sildenafil citrate present in it might cause drug interactions with certain drugs especially nitrate medications like for chest pain or heart problems.
Moreover, you can acquire Viagra information from online sources other than your doctor and the print media regarding dosage, precautions and possible side effects. The popularity and effectiveness of Viagra can be assessed from the increasing number of websites providing Viagra information and the also by the number of people logging in. Viagra can be your companion in making a stronger relationship with your partner. Because when Viagra is your aid, it can competently overcome impotence in a flash and make your love life as beautiful as ever.
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More and more men are becoming interested in improving themselves. They are looking for ways to get more pleasure out of their sex lives and better please their partner. Men want to look good nowadays and are seeing results from the money and effort they put into all natural penis enlargement.
The generations of the past did nothing about the problem of having a small penis size. They couldnt tell anyone about it and most often they did not even know it was the root of their troubles. The problems of the past are treated differently now. Penis enlargement is practically mainstream and it is finally offering men a way out of the age old size issue.
Men and women alike are seeing that penis size does matter, and now that they can do something about it, the penis enlargement market is going strong in full force. The results in terms of added confidence and success in life are too precious to leave behind for lack of a bigger penis, and men are making the change to better themselves.
Personal appearance and first impression is more important than ever now in our fast paced society. Men want to look good and also perform well in bed. There is no need to mention anything about feeling anxious or insecure about ones penis size. Its enough to say that men are wanting to make sure they look good in every way they can, and get the pleasure that comes from seeing the special look on her face when the pants come down. Male enhancement is clearly about results and improving the way you feel about your self in all aspects.
Since the 1970s, penis enlargement has been brought out into the light. There are ads on TV touting male enhancement pills, the pump has been seen in movies like Austin Powers, and there are even doctors who specialize in penis enlargement cosmetic surgery. The downside of this last approach is the many possible side effects, the risky chances for real results, and the lengthy and painful process men undergo who choose to try this popularly known method. Still, penis enlargement surgery, weights and pumps, and even the newer exercise methods have their niches. The newer methods though like the pills and traction device are gaining widespread popularity to men looking to enhance their penis size. This is due to their ease of use, safety, privacy, and speed of results.
As male enhancement and natural penis enlargement move closer to mainstream status, men are becoming more likely to open up and discuss size and ways of enhancing it. The interest of men looking to improve this area of their body has resulted in a booming industry that seems to develop new methods all the time. There is a unique and proven solution for any man wanting a larger penis and to see guaranteed results.
For example, for those who do not like taking pills, there are the herbal patches that equal the results of the pills, and sometimes even offer more potent results, due to the way they work. In a nutshell, whereas the pills are usually taken once per day, some of the product gets wasted since your system cant absorb all the herbal nutrients in the pill at once. On the other end, the newer patch method says to replace the patch every three days which slowly releases its herbal ingredients directly into the bloodstream, for added bloodflow and maximum enhancement gains.
The newest method yet is probably the safest and fastest method, and it is the traction device. Traction devices are quickly reaching the top of the ladder in the male enhancement market. Traction devices are the newer form of weights and the unsafe pumps of the past. The main difference between the device and these older methods are that it works for you constantly, safely and generates real results. The time you wear the device determines your results, and the right amount of time to wear the device is from 6 to 9 hours per day.
The top devices have grown through research and development and this is shown through the way the product is presented. Solid clinical evidence of results and a strong money back guarantee speak volumes about the effectiveness of a particular traction device. I recommend devices that offer exercises too as you can combine these with the use of your device for added size gains. Some traction devices even off you exercises and herbal enlargement pills in a complete system. Combining methods like this is perhaps the best way to guarantee permanent size gains.
The truth is that women are no longer alone in trying to make themselves look good. Natural male enhancement is growing strong and men around the world are putting an end to any embarrassing feelings they may have, and they are seeing real results. Aside from all those advertisements and hype surrounding it, penis enlargement offers true results and in the end this is the only thing that truly matters.
