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I remember when I was in eighth grade in school years ago and listening to Pink Floyd. I heard a song way back then that became a favourite of mine at the time and still is today. It was called Comfortably numb. At the time of listening to it back then, I thought it was all about heroin abuse.
A year or so later I heard another song by an Australian band called the Choirboys that had lyrics that said: “You don’t need anyone, no you don’t need anyone; when you run the paradise.” Once again I saw this as the paradise that is found by the injection of heroin.
In the movie Pulp Fiction, just a few years ago, I saw the absolutely mind blowing rush one can get from the injection of a needle, and how heroin really is like the big daddy of them all. For even the name itself boasts of its awesome ability and power and how it should be worshipped. We all know about branding and the power of a brand name, if it’s used properly. Just think of Coke, Mc Donald’s, and Disney and suddenly you have an emotion and hopefully a positive emotion come to mind. The word heroin is no mistake. It’s available when you need the ultimate peace and numbness, and you put the father of all drugs into your arm like a doctor gives medicine, you go and put the Hero in.
I am fortunate in one way. I am sure it was an act of God and nothing short of it. As I was growing up, our house was a halfway house for recovering heroin addicts. They came around to our house on rainy Sundays for lunch and when they were healed often stayed with our family until they could find a permanent place of accommodation. They came to us raw and fresh out of rehabilitation. It was their words, and their tears that showed me heroin had its costs on a personal life and wasn’t just the hero in these guy’s life, but their master for many years. They who worshipped the drug and fought, begged borrowed and stole to inject it, were broken individuals who readily cried and told of the horror the drug demanded of them.
Yes, heroin is a powerful drug and I’ll admit that it will make you leave this world we are in, and you will float and kick back into a comfortable numbness. Yes. You won’t need anyone when you run to paradise. But it comes with a price.
I thank God I saw the pain in the drug and never injected it myself. Oh boy I came close and yes I mixed in all the right circles, but I never succumbed to its tantalizing beckoning. And how glad I am that I didn’t! But that isn’t to say those who do are bad people. I just found a better way for myself to find a release.
If it’s comfortable being numb…how can there be comfort in pain?
This was the confusing part for me to work out. How could I enjoy the release which was very pleasurable sleeping with prostitutes, and yet still enjoy the pain of it all in eating breakfast cereals and milk for days because I had no money left?
I read an interesting article once in a psychology magazine. I had never picked one up before that day and have never picked another up since. But in this magazine on this day, whilst I sat in some Doctors surgery for half an hour, I truly learnt the key to the whole puzzle.
We who have addictive tendencies, don’t get a choice in what we become addicted to.
What? I hear you say. Yeah well its strange isn’t it? It’s not all that hard to grasp really. You know that song that you hear and you just can’t get it out of your head. Every time the radio plays it, you spend half a day singing it to yourself. Even years later when “Run to paradise” comes on, I still get caught up with the emotions I was feeling that day. I absolutely love that song.
Well that’s how a habit is formed. Repetition. The more I hear it, the more stronger my emotional response, the more I am addicted to it, or attracted to it. Even if it’s a not so pleasurable experience. Even if that experience is being beaten by your father in a fit of rage. The more he does it, the more I emotionally respond, the more I begin to crave that negative emotion. You become addicted to the pain. And in some ways when life is going along fine, if you are missing that pain in your life, you actively seek it out.
It's sad really. That’s why a woman stays with a man who beats her up. That’s why a junkie sells his soul for the junk he puts up his arm and that’s why a person will ritually cut themselves to feel the rush of pain. We are addicted to the pain, just as much as to the pleasure. And just like light follows darkness, after the pleasure we seek the pain, and when we are in pain we seek the pleasure, and we continue to exist.
We all enjoy feeling comfortable. We all enjoy being safe and secure where we are. Take us away from what we know, take us to another state or city suddenly and tell us to deal with it and we have a problem. We need to change slowly, but given the choice we like to stay with what we know. Why else would a country approve of a president who blatantly lies to his people? We don’t like change and we only do it if forced upon us. It’s only when a wife is beaten so very badly that the authorities step in and keep her from her husband by locking him up, that the wife accepts separation. But she has no choice in this matter. So she quickly goes out to a pub and finds another guy to beat her up.
She can’t help it. She doesn’t like getting beaten up. And her friends can’t understand her for going back. But that’s the only sort of love she knows and that’s the only love her daddy taught her. He regularly beat her mother up and in between beating her he made love to her mother and brought her presents home from work. And if he was a fine example of an alcoholic father he even made special visits to his daughter’s room to comfort her and run his filthy hands over her and molest her.
Oh yes She remembers the love, and she remembers the pain, and somehow they melded into one, and that was called life. To her, or to the heroin addict or to you the reader, life is all about feeling comfortable with our lot and coping as best we can in the circumstances.
How do I know about pain….
Have you ever had a man shove his penis up your behind? I mean shove it right in there so you can feel the tears flowing down your cheeks. Have you ever had to lay down and push your bum in the air and let a beast put it into you with all his might? It’s not fun. Its not love, and if you’ve been there, it’s not something you forget real easy. Worse still is the guilt you feel for putting yourself in the position that allowed it. Oh what a fool you were. If only you weren’t so craving pain in your life, things like this wouldn’t happen. And soon you believe it is all your fault. And then you begin to take comfort in the pain.
One day you are seeking the pain. One day you become comfortably numb. You go through the motions, you allow the lightning pain, and you switch off to it by a sheer act of will power. It seems as you lie there and let a man rip your insides with his penis that Pink Floyd may have been singing about this pain when they were singing. Maybe it wasn’t heroin, but the pain, and you’re switching off to it all, that makes you numb. Maybe you weren’t as smart as you thought you were when you are young, and the wisdom of a life half lived has served to give your life a richer and more rewarding tapestry.
It’s a sad cycle. The addicted are addicted to the week of poverty and no food after one night down at the pokies or one night with the prostitutes. We feel lonely, hopeless and we have no hope in life, so we confirm what a sad person we are when we live in poverty and prove with cheap clothes a free charity meals that we really are a loser like everyone things we are. It’s not fun eating cereal for a week. It’s not fun nursing a black eyes once very few weeks, it’s not fun having to go up the street everyday saying can people spare you change for a bus fare, it’s not fun, but we are so useless and we are so lacking in self worth we just love the feeling of shame, guilt and stupidity and we beat ourselves up with it. We make all our promises. If he beats me up one more time I will leave. If that girl does not kiss me this time I am never going to see her again. If this jockey does not ride that horse in next week that is it for me and punting. We are weak, we are hopeless and we are addicted to feeling that way.
The hardest thing about not sleeping with a prostitute for three months is not feeling the week of guilt after we have partaken of that sin. Especially when you are a Christian. It’s fine not to get the high, but how am I going to get that rush of guilt each week that I am in love with and addicted to?
And then there is the high. It’s in the paper ringing private escorts working in their own rented apartments and interviewing them one by one a few days before you get the money. You narrow it down and pick one and then five hours after you have been paid you are in bed with her. No matter how much you cry to God about your wicked sin, here you are trying to bring pleasure to a professional so that you can feel like a man and have a good time, and if she’s a professional she’ll have you convinced you did bring her to orgasm. If this is all to crude for you, you can jump to the next paragraph. In twenty years of this addiction, I have only been convinced of about three orgasms of the prostitutes I have been with. And boy, twenty years worth of once a week, or once every two weeks of seeing a sex worker, you do the maths, that’s why I don’t own a house.
You see I am poorly dressed and poor in assets and have never had any reason to really write a will because most of my life my addiction kept me broke.
Boy I can relate to people in addictions. The only way I came out of my addiction the time the original of this piece was written in 2005 and now in 2006 my two successful times of reprieve from the addiction was when I repented with many tears before God with all my heart and not wishing with all my heart to ever go back to these ladies. I had to love the girls and stay away and not abuse them, I had to love God enough not to break His heart with my sin with sleeping with a girl I was not married to, and I had to love myself enough not to degrade my self esteem by becoming a sex starved brute.
The only way out of my addiction was to hate it.
The problem with many of us is this addiction to the highs and the lows.
Oh I know about the rush of horse racing I did that for many years. There’s nothing like buying a car from your winnings one week. There’s nothing like seeing your horse win the race and it’s because you were a smart little punter watching all of that horses races since it first started racing and knowing that it can only win certain races at certain distances according to the track, the rider, the breeding and the time in the current campaign it is in. There’s a skill of knowing which race the owner and trainer are wanting to win with the horse and what races the horse is only racing to stay fit. There’s knowing which jockey will ride the horse when the horse has got to look like its trying to win the race and it’s the race favourite, but the owner, the trainer and the serious in the know punters connected to the stable want it not even to run a place and definitely at all costs do not want it to win the race. There really are so many factors to consider as a horse punter, it’s no wonder big high profile people in the business world are kings and respected for placing million dollar bets.
Racing stroked my ego on the high side when I won, and when I had a big loss on a big punt it made me feel like the loser I was when I lost. So how could I lose? lol
And what about today five years on?
I am comfortable and I am not addicted any more. I attend a church where I am loved and I have began to preach in a few churches. My Lord Jesus trusts me today to help strangers find their way to Him and to healing and I am in love with myself. I am quite impressed with what articles I have written five years ago and a lot has happened in my life since then. I have been Baptised and now have some giftings that Jesus has given me so that I can better witness to people. He has given the ability to "Know" a person's pain and their struggle and know things about them that they haven't told me. He gives me the ability to give strangers a message from Him and that just makes me so happy to be out and about doing that.
I have not seen my son in six years and that is sad but it was his mother's wish and I didn't fight it. I have had another breakdown and now am wiser and have stayed on my medication for four years without a serious incident. It seems the more hard balls life throws at me the more confident I am in the power and the love of Jesus to pull you through anything.
I really enjoy sharing a message with a person through prophecy when Jesus speaks through me as I really enjoy seeing Him speak. He is such a magnificent, wonderful, caring and patient God that was man. It is so good to have a God in heaven called Jesus who thinks and reasons like a man but with all the power of God behind Him.
Jesus is just so real to me. I have seen Him in visions close to ten times now and some of them have been so very memorable. He told me once that I was his hidden treasure and if you are reading this I am sure He would tell you the same also. He is so sweet, I do not need another person to sustain me. He is my everything and He is such a loyal and honest and caring friend.
With much love,
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Can You Get the Same Benefits from an Herbal Viagra Alternative That You Can From the Real Thing?
It seems every day there is a new, touted herbal alternative to the male enhancement and impotence drug Viagra. The drug has ingrained itself so much in modern American culture that there are entire web pages devoted to Viagra jokes and millions of internet searches a year to buy Viagra online.
But are there really safe supplements that act as natural alternatives to Viagra that work just as well, without the possible side effects that have scared some men off, and prompted them to seek herbal versions of the drug?
While most herbal supplements that are said to match their medical couterparts in effectiveness are naturally met with a lot of skepticism by the medical community, I for one have witnessed first hand their effectiveness and life-changing abilities for men who suffer from impotence, low sex drive, inability to sustain erections, and general sexual and erectile dysfunction.
My Second Hand Experience with an Herbal Viagra Alternative Supplement
My significant other actually had a very positive experience with one such herbal alternative to Viagra, which I also noticed since I am his sexual partner. He described his experience with the supplement as having a heightened sensitivity in his penis, getting sexually excited much more easily, and more blood flow to his penis, making his erections last longer and get much harder.
He also said that when taking the herbal supplement and subsequently participating in sexual intercourse, he had much more intense sexual peaks (orgasms), than he did when he did not take the supplement that day.
Why Viagra's Safety Has Been Questioned in the Past
Viagra was approved for sale by the FDA in 1998. Right from the start, American pharmacists dispensed over 215,000 Viagra prescriptions within the first month Viagra was released for public sale, launching a media blitz and the subsequent skyrocketing of Viagra manufacturer Pfizer's stock.
The most notable and well publicized hazard of prescription Viagra has been the possibility of heart attack if your heart is not in the best condition, and if you are not physically fit or are at an age where heart attacks may become more probable.
While most deaths occurred in elderly men, this scare has prompted many men to seek natural alternatives and herbal supplements that provide results either comparable to Viagra or identical to Viagra, without the necessity for a prescription, doctors visit, or high expense of necessary dosages.
So, despite what your personal opinion may be on herbal supplements and natural equivalents to medically prescribed drugs, you can't deny the fact that there must be a reason for the rising popularity of herbal viagra alternatives. The reason is, it does work, and it does work very well for thousands of men. You just need to find the right one.
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Now if there’s one thing that's essential for feeling sexy, it's self esteem. Without a feeling of confidence and a positive self-image, it's a pretty safe bet you won’t be in the mood. But what exactly is self-esteem, how does it affect your sex life, and how do you go about getting it? Read on…
Self esteem explained
Having self esteem doesn’t mean being big-headed or arrogant. In fact, the people that act like they have giant egos are usually trying to cover up a deep seated feeling of worthlessness. Real self-esteem means feeling at home with yourself, physically and emotionally. That means accepting and loving your body, knowing that your thoughts and feelings are valid, and forgiving yourself when you make mistakes.
Self esteem and your sex life
A very common problem is a poor body image. Women are often particularly affected by this – faced with hundreds of images of ‘perfect’ bodies and models, they feel that their body doesn’t measure up to the airbrushed ideal. Men, too, can fall prey to the body-worry demons – how many men obsess over the size of their penis, or their missing ‘six-pack’? Not surprisingly, if you’re feeling less than good about your body you won’t be over the moon about getting naked with someone. Emotionally, if your self-esteem is low you’re unlikely to be feeling that horny anyway – which is a shame because sex is a great way to release endorphins and boost your mood!
Building your self-esteem
In the bedroom, are you holding back because of body worries? Most people find a fun and confident partner is far sexier than a supermodel-like figure. We can all admire good looking people. But remember that a hundred years ago cellulite was a mark of beauty, and in Michelangelo's day, a small penis was highly desirable! Rather than shying away from looking at yourself, stand naked in front of a mirror. Now, instead of criticising yourself, describe your body as though you were describing a good friend’s. Don’t focus on the bits you don’t like – and don’t use negative terms. Is it really the end of the world if you have a big behind?
How is your partner around your body? If they are critical, perhaps they don’t understand how hurtful this can be. However, if you yourself don’t love your body it’s a lot to ask for a partner to do so. Instead of keeping the lights off and ignoring the issue, why not ask your lover for their ‘top three’ parts of your body (ruling out the obvious one!). You might be pleasantly surprised by what they notice about your body.
Remember too that there is more to you than a body – be thankful for your health and personality. Focus on the things that make you feel good – whether that’s treating yourself to a hot bath or a massage or taking up some exercise.
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A fiery debate has long raged in the medical profession on whether male menopause actually exists and what, if any, is its effect on male sexual performance. The questions are many. If it really does exist, at what age will it begin to affect their sexual performance?
What precautions can be taken to avoid its arrival and are there treatments to help reverse it? If it's real, how does it differ from female menopause? It's a no-brainer that men go through sexuality changes as they age, just as women do. The erection-on-demand performance they enjoyed as teens is no longer the case at age forty. Little by little as they age, men begin to notice changes in their sexual performance as the urge for sex also lessens.
As they age, it takes longer for men to get an erection to come on and the penis requires more direct stimulation to get and stay aroused. The erection may also be angled, rather than straight and rigid and ejaculation may not be as forceful. Also, the time it takes between erections gets longer.
Rather than physical, the decrease in a man's sexual performance could also be due to psychological factors like a mid-life crisis. His waning sexual performance could be blamed on any number of external factors. It could be due to lack of interest in an aging wife who isn't the babe she was ten years ago, the stress of work, demands of growing children, or financial difficulties, even worries about caring for aging parents.
So how do you differentiate between a mid-life crisis and male menopause? A mid-life crisis is more a problem of psycho-social adjustment, meaning it may have nothing to do with a man's sex life. However, male menopause is distinctly physiological in nature, similar in many ways to female menopause. Because frequently men can have both physical and psychological factors affecting them, the line between male menopause and mid-life crisis becomes hazy.
Although menopause is most often associated with women, men experience a different type of menopause or 'life change.' Where women cease to menstruate and usually can no longer get pregnant, men can continue to father children. Symptoms of menopause in both men and women are similar and can sometimes be just as overwhelming.
As reported in Andrology: The Science of Dysfunctions of the Male Reproductive System, approximately 40% of men between 40 and 60 will experience some degree of lethargy, depression, irritability, mood swings, hot flashes, insomnia, decreased sex drive, weakness, loss of both lean body mass and bone mass, making them susceptible to hip fractures, and difficulty in attaining and sustaining erections (impotence).
Testosterone (male sex hormone) stimulates sexual development in male infants, bone and muscle growth in adult males and also controls sex drive and male sexual performance. The levels of testosterone diminish gradually after age 40. In healthy males age 55, the amount of testosterone is significantly lower than 10 years earlier, and by 80 decreases to pre-puberty levels.
In 1944 what is now described as male menopause was reported in a key article written by two American doctors, Carl Heller and Gordon Myers. Comparing symptoms with that of female menopause, they did a blind controlled trial showing the effectiveness of testosterone treatment.
But like many pioneering efforts their findings were vastly unreported due to men being unwilling to accept that they could have 'menopause,' while men with genuine symptoms and sexual dysfunctions were often told it was a mid-life crisis or just in their heads.
Around the same time testosterone therapy had come into disrepute in the public eye due to athletes misuse and abuse. So the concept of male hormone replacement therapy for male menopause symptoms, impotence, or sexual performance problems wasn't very well received.
Added to that, the hype about side effects and the tie between prostate cancer and hormone replacement further negated its acceptance by many men.
Only after HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) became popular and produced desirable results for women, providing tangible improvement in symptoms and 'age reversal' in post-menopausal women, did men begin to take notice and jump on the bandwagon, not wanting to get left behind their female counterparts.
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Sex plays an important role in an overall relationship. If something goes wrong it affects one mentally, emotionally and psychologically. So we must be always striving for a better sex life with our partner. But sometimes many of us struggle with various sexual problems like low desire, penile erection and premature ejaculation. Often these problems are caused by physical change inside our body system. Healthy blood vessels and healthy nervous system are both needed for a perfect erection. If problems related to erectile dysfunction persist, it is suggested to treat it as soon as possible.
Erectile dysfunction can be now cured by proper medications like Cavetra. It is an Indian answer to other ED drugs like Viagra. It is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient. It’s a tablet used to treat erectile dysfunction by sustaining an erection when one is sexually excited.
The problem of erectile dysfunction occurs when there is less flow of blood into the veins of the penis. Caverta inhibits this problem by opening the penile blood vessels when a man is sexually aroused. This allows the blood flow into the penis, resulting in an improved erection. This erection subsides after sex just as it is in normal conditions.
One does not get an instant erection just by taking the pill. According to clinical trials, Caverta should be taken about one hour before planning to perform sex. Moreover a tablet a day is enough to give you a prolonged erection when you are sexually excited and last from 30 mins to 4 hrs.
But one should keep in mind that it is just a treatment for erectile dysfunction and is not for curing erectile dysfunction. In addition, Caverta does not protect anyone from any sexually transmitted diseases including the virus HIV. Moreover like all medicines, it can cause side effects. But these side effects are found to be mild and temporary lasting only for few hours. Some of the common side effects of Caverta are headache, upset stomach and flushing of the face. Most of these side effects are more likely to occur with higher dose. But it is always wise to take precautions before using a medicine. Do not take more Caverta than your doctor prescribes. If you think you need a larger dose of Caverta, check with your doctor.
