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Failures are very much a part of everyone’s life but according to me, “Real losers are those who are unable to overcome their failures”. One must not lose heart after failing and should be ready to try again with better efforts. If someone is able to learn a lesson from his failure by analyzing his weaknesses he is a winner rather than a loser. For it, it is only the homework that one can do to bring success the consequences are beyond one’s control.
One such failure one may have to face in life can be a sexual failure like premature ejaculation, impotence etc. This can happen due to various causes like nervousness, exhaustion, stress or it may be due to a physical problem in the body of the sufferer. ED or erectile dysfunction traditionally known as impotence is one of the most miserable affliction of them all.
Under ED, a male is unable to have penis erection good enough to have sexual intercourse. As a result both the partners are left unsatisfied and sleepless. As ED is still considered as a taboo under most societies, the sufferers often conceal their problem fearing the reaction of the society. And these, according to me are characteristics of real losers. Instead of worrying about reaction of the society they should think “What is good for them?”
Needless to say the best think for them is to unveil their sexual disorder to a doctor and follow his instructions. It is only then they’ll be able to overcome their failure of sex and improve their performance in order to get the pleasure of sexual intercourse. The best treatment for ED is in the form of prescription drugs like Cialis. It is very affordable and works only after 30 minutes of its consumption. One may buy cialis online from any cheap cialis pharmacy. It is the best way to convert your failure into success and “success” here refers to nothing but a pleasurable sex.
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Do you know that psychological or emotional factors can lead you to improve improve libido and impotence? Although a lot of physical causes may be attributed to libido and impotence, there are also psychological factors that lead to it.
Some of the factors can be depression, stress and pressures about home or work, anxiety, relationship problems and arguments, insecurities and a low self-esteem, and even sexual boredom and the loss of intimacy. These problems can be addressed as psychosomatic problems since these situations are affected by psychological factors or the emotion.
When this is the case, then there are very high chances you can improve libido and impotence. It may sound difficult at first, especially if you do not want to resolve the problem or you fear it, or worse is that you are unaware of the situation. However, when you have accepted that there is a problem and there is a need to work on it, then you can try different ways to treat psychosomatic impotence by using psychology as well. One does not need to turn to medications or surgery right away.
One treatment that you can undergo is Psychosexual Therapy. In psychosexual therapy or psychotherapy, the man and his partner are given techniques or exercises to help them renew their intimacy, sexual relation, sexual interests, and arousal. This can be done through talks, discussions, and activities that can lift the stress or anxiety that hasten impotence.
Another way to improve libido and impotence can be behavior modification. A new and positive outlook about one’s self, performance, and even his partner can bring about change and improvements. Behavior modification can really take time, but it is also cheaper and does not only improve libido and impotence, it also improves one’s personality.
To do this, here are a few suggested tips:
- Do a little reality check including a check on your personal situation and your present situation with your partner. What do you really feel about yourself, your member, and your partner?
- Talk with your partner to make things easier and lighter. It lifts up your burden and at the same time you are confident that there is someone who listens to you. If your partner is the one that’s putting the strain on you, all the more that you should talk. Ask what your partner wants, say what you want, and come into a solution. You have to speak up and work things out together without turning into an argument.
- Your lifestyle is very important and it affects your penile health a great deal, so do a check on your lifestyle. Just like taking care of the rest of your body, you should also take care of your penis. Trim down your fat, alcohol and nicotine or tobacco intake. Eat healthier and try to do some exercises. If possible, get into an exercise program or visit the gym regularly.
- Consider a good quality supplement to improve libido and impotence
- If you still have more concerns, then it’s time that you should seek professional advice from a trained therapist or doctor. Remember that you should not be ashamed of your situation and that you are not the only one suffering from it.
Your physical and sexual health and a sound mind are much more important so you should do something about it!
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Whoever sends junk emails has got me completely wrong. They seem to think I’m a seedy, hypochondriac bloke with a lot of problems down below. Not only am I cursed with a miniscule member, it’s about as reliable as the old A40 Mum used to drive.
Apparently, my girlfriends are sniggering among themselves about my shrunken, faulty manhood. And my long suffering wife (I have one of those as well as the girlfriends) is concerned I may not be able to get her pregnant.
Nevertheless, my alter ego’s appetite is insatiable. I’m in the market for a sexy Russian girl who can’t spell but has breasts the size of bowling balls.
When not performing disappointingly in the bedroom, I’m swallowing dodgy prescription drugs with names that sound only partially familiar like Aspromix and Pethadinerole. My other obsession is cheap, immitation watches.
While the real me usually deletes these messages without opening them, I’ve taken a look at one just now - in the interests of journalism.
Apparently, if I buy one particular outlet’s Viagra, I’ll be able to open a beer bottle with my penis. That could be handy. Finding the bottle opener’s always tricky. It gets lost among the tangle of spatulas and serving spoons in the middle drawer.
The advertisement says I may even be invited to become a porn star. Well, I guess it’d be more lively than cleaning up the cat litter box.
Most of the time I delete junk mail messages on automatic pilot. Their lurid subject headings are easy enough to detect among precious emails from readers. Often the highlight of my week, readers’ emails mean a lot. I try to reply to them all (except unspeakably abusive ones).
The other day as I was deleting Viagra advertisements, I had a horrible sinking feeling. Without meaning to I wiped an email titled Velcro. No doubt it was a reader’s response to a comment I made about Velcro being one of the best inventions of the 20th Century.
They were probably telling me off, saying advances in medicine and science were far more important. They’re right, of course. Velcro isn’t that great. It didn’t even supplant zips the way people said it would.
When I asked my husband why men still prefer zips on their trousers, he said Velcro would be too noisy in public toilets - and somewhat mood shattering in other circumstances.
Nevertheless, some inventions have been undervalued for their simple elegance and versatility. Take dental floss, for instance. According to that Bible of the Internet, Google, it was invented by a New Orleans dentist who recommended passing a piece of silk between teeth in the early 1800’s.
He shouldn’t take too much credit, though. It wasn’t long before Taranaki people were using their mothers’ sewing cotton to remove chunks of mutton wedged between their molars.
Nylon dental floss was created during World War Two. Americans use enough of it every year to stretch from Earth to the Moon and back four times. I buy almost that much for our household.
Dental floss is great for all sorts of things around here – hanging Christmas decorations and paintings, training grape vines, oh and occasionally for teeth. I’ve used it to string broken necklaces and earrings together.
Floss is excellent for cutting through dough and cheesecake. It can successfully repair tents and backpacks or reattach umbrella sections back to their spines.
I’m not the only one to explore its potential. In 1994 a prison inmate in Virginia used braided floss to scale a wall and escape.
Another seriously undervalued item is the plastic clothes peg. I’ve yet to discover a better way to seal a half eaten bag of chips. Rubber bands are clumsy by comparison, and those plasticised bits of wire laughingly called “ties” never hold.
Half the stuff in our kitchen cupboards and freezer is held together with clothes pegs – from cereal and frozen peas to rice and some strange brown powder that seems to be a maternity ward for moths.
Pegs are essential for holding music on its stand when our daughter goes busking with her violin at Christmas. Some people use them to hold curtains together, squeeze the last out of the toothpaste tube or to hold the end of matches so their fingers don’t get burnt.
I look forward to hearing from readers about their favourite undervalued inventions – and hope the person whose message was deleted forgives me. It’s so easy these days to mistake Velcro for Viagra.
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If you have ever had a cold sore, you can only hope you never get anther one. We are hoping to provide you with some useful information about what they are, how you get them and some preventative measures you can take to avoid them. Core sores are infections that can occur around or in the mouth. Also referred to herpes simplex, there are 2 strains known as type 1 and type 2. Cold sores are most often caused by type 1 or HSV-1. Type 2 or HSV-2 is most often related to genital herpes where blisters form in the genital area.
Cold sores can easily be transmitted between people through saliva or some other direct contact. Blisters often form on the lips and or inside the mouth. These can frequently turn into painful ulcers that make gums turn red and swell. Some people can suffer from fever, muscle aches, swollen neck glands and irritability when they get a cold sore. They can last anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks depending on treatment. Herpes simplex type 2 or genital herpes is transmitted sexually. The genital area becomes sore, itchy, tender and just plain painful. Visual signs are blisters on the penis or on the vagina area. These blisters soon turn into painful sores that can last up to 3 weeks.
Cold sores can often appear if one is under stress, is getting a cold or other virus, is exposed to long periods of sunlight, is pregnant or after a tooth has been pulled. If you find you are prone to getting a cold sore, the best prevention is to keep your stress level down as much as possible, get lots of rest if you start feeling under the weather and make sure to use a strong SPF sunscreen lip balm when outdoors. Also, avoid kissing anyone who has one! The best prevention for herpes simplex type 2 is for you to wear a latex condom if you are the male or insist your partner wears one if you are the female.
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"My girlfriend dumped me because she says I 'wasn't there' when we made love. She's not the first to say this. I know something's wrong. Can hypnotherapy help me?"
Your sexual dysfunction means you engage in sex more as an observer than as a participant.
You hold yourself back from entering a trance state; you have difficulty "letting go."
There are several ways in which a qualified hypnotherapist can help you to conquer this problem. Before using hypnosis it is essential that you receive competent medical advice.
Hypnotherapy will have a particular focus depending on whether the problem is organic or psychological.
Organic sexual problems require medical intervention. Hypnotherapy may be used as an adjunct, for instance, in helping you to heal faster after an operation.
More frequently, sexual difficulties treated by a hypnotherapist concern psychological issues.
Since the process deals with your mind all sexual activity during hypnotherapy takes place only in your imagination.
What you learn through hypnotherapy is practiced privately elsewhere.
Hypnotherapy may be used to heighten your sensual involvement and to help you to be fully present while engaging in sex.
A common, effective use of hypnotherapy is to lower your anxiety.
The anticipation of failure (particularly for men anxious about their ability to have or to maintain an erection) brings on anxious feelings.
These in turn bring about the failure. Hypnotherapy ends this vicious circle and replaces the anticipation of failure with the certainty of success and confidence.
Traditional sex therapy methods are more readily accepted by you when in hypnosis because the conscious, judgmental, analytical part of your mind is temporarily set aside.
Your subconscious then absorbs the new, positive messages you've asked the hypnotherapist to create.
Precisely because hypnosis taps into the autonomic nervous system, a person can use it to improve or alter functions that normally happen without conscious control, e.g., a man's erection.
Charles, a 27-years-old former sailor and currently an electrician, consulted a hypnotherapist because he was too fearful to have sex with his wife.
They'd been married three years and had had sexual difficulties since the birth of their daughter eight months previously. Charles was afraid he'd been embarrassed once again if he tried to make love.
"Kim laughed at me the first time and now she just gives me a look of disgust." Why? Because he couldn't maintain an erection.
Charles felt humiliated and frustrated; he worried that he'd never again have satisfactory sex with his wife. His dream of fathering a son seemed unattainable.
He told the hypnotherapist that he had no problem masturbating when alone. This was a likely indicator that Charles' problem was psychological, not organic.
As was Charles' report that he always had a firm erection when having sex with the occasional housewife in whose home he was doing electrical work.
To be on the safe side, the hypnotherapist advised Charles to be examined by a medical specialist to be absolutely sure there was no organic cause for his ED.
The doctor confirmed that Charles' trouble was "100 per cent psychogenic," meaning that for some emotional or psychological reason, he could not maintain an erection.
Of course, the more Charles tried, and the more he worried, the more flaccid was his penis.
The hypnotherapist explained to Charles that hypnosis could be used to uncover the cause of his trouble, or to tackle the symptom, or both.
Charles, being the impatient type, and of course eager to end his humiliating experiences, opted for the "quick fix."
Over the course of three sessions of hypnotherapy, Charles relived successful love-making episodes from his younger years as a Navy "stud."
Then the therapist used a melding technique to encourage Charles to see himself (in his imagination, while hypnotized) from now on once again enjoying a full, firm erection well beyond the time needed to satisfy his partner.
Positive suggestions were also made by the hypnotherapist to Charles about his prowess, his confidence and his desirability to his wife.
For three months Charles and Kim had a wonderful sex life. Then he lost an erection just as foreplay had become hot and heavy.
Kim, hurt and disappointed, reacted with sarcasm. All Charles' fears and anxieties rushed back. He returned to the hypnotherapist.
This time Charles agreed to investigate the cause of his impotence.
The hypnotherapist used various approaches -- age regression, age progression (in which the "future" Charles was to explain how he'd conquered the problem) analogue symbolic imagery -- but nothing worked.
In a subsequent session, with Charles relaxed in hypnosis, the therapist told Charles he'd have a dream. His subconscious would provide this dream as a way, either directly or symbolically, to explain the origin of his impotence.
Three nights later Charles dreamed he was outside a factory. It was night time and the factory loomed dark and mysterious.
Charles felt a strong urge to scale the steel fence that surrounded the factory. Then he tried to find away in. All the doors were shut and padlocked. A security guard ("very scary, because he had my face," said Charles) told him to go away.
But Charles persisted in his eagerness to enter the factory. He ran from the guard, to the back of the building. Here was the loading dock. Charles saw a bulldozer there. He jumped into its cab and began to operate the controls.
The guard reappeared, feebly told Charles to get off the property, to go to his own place. In the distance, Charles could see a stately castle which he somehow knew belonged to him.
But his only interest was in the dark factory. The guard shrugged. Charles started up the bulldozer and charged the heavy machine toward the small back door of the factory.
As the bulldozer began to rumble forward, Charles awoke -- with a massive erection.
The dream puzzled Charles. But it enlightened the therapist. To him it revealed that Charles was in the grip of the Madonna/Whore complex.
This is the attitude that divides women into "good" and "bad." Thus, a man's wife and especially mother, are "good." Prostitutes, other men's wives and and women of ethnic groups other than the man's own, are "bad."
"Bad" women are exciting; "good" women are boring. Sex is forbidden with "good" women but possible with the "bad."
A man with this complex may have sex with his wife occasionally, or until she becomes a mother, or while a post-hypnotic suggestion lasts. But his heart is not in it. Neither is his penis.
However, with a "bad" woman he has no commitment, no respect. She is there to be used.
His conscience (the security guard) barely bothers him about penetrating the stranger (the dark factory) but, perversely, does prevent him enjoying "his" woman (the castle).
When Charles heard this explanation, he nodded in agreement. This was indeed his view. And that of his father, uncle and most of his friends. He had no serious interest in changing this outlook, especially since Kim had announced she was pregnant. The hypnotherapist's suggestion that Charles and Kim seek marriage counselling fell on deaf ears.
A lawyer we shall call Mathilde did seek help from a psychotherapist. She had told the referring doctor that she rarely had an orgasm. The truth was that Mathilde never had an orgasm -- with her husband.
She'd been faking it for years. But she had climaxed with previous boyfriends. Also during a two-night stand a few months ago.
Mathilde had been a speaker at a lawyers' convention a thousand miles from home. There she met Roger, a brooding electrical engineer who had been trouble-shooting the hotel's elevators.
"He was not particularly good-looking but he had these soft grey eyes," Mathilde confided to the therapist. She smiled. "He was brutal in bed."
Mathilde was mildly surprised to find herself telling the male therapist details she had not felt comfortable confiding to her female doctor.
There was no question of her wanting to leave the marriage. She loved her husband, had a marvellous life. All that was missing ws the joy of orgasm. It was something she yearned for.
Until she met Roger the lack of orgasms with her husband had not bothered her much. Mathilde had become used to pretending -- and to satisfying herself in secret.
The therapist faced two dilemmas:
i) perhaps, despite Mathilde's conscious denials, there was some problem between her and her husband
ii) the therapist usually worked with couples, not individuals, on such sexual challenges.
He decided that, given the husband was not present and would be unlikely to come to future sessions, he would work with Mathilde, and he would use hypnotherapy. If the outcome was successful, there would be no need to explore possible conflicts between husband and wife.
First the therapist explained a little about hypnosis and how it could help Mathilde. Her first session was devoted to her simply relaxing into hypnosis, and becoming familiar with how safe and peaceful it felt.
In Mathilde's second and third sessions of hypnosis the therapist suggested Mathilde silently relive an earlier experience of orgasm.
In her mind she was to take particular note of the physical and emotional feelings which allowed her to climax.
When the orgasm in her imagination was over she would open her eyes, though remain in hypnosis.
Then the therapist pointed out, and Mathilde confirmed, that she had been internally very relaxed just prior to making love. And that during foreplay and intercourse, she became "lost" in the pleasure.
The therapist asked Mathilde to again close her eyes and this time to imagine herself in bed with her husband. Again she could relive the details silently, no need to tell the therapist anything, except when the imagined lovemaking was over.
When Mathilde compared the earlier experience with how she felt when making love with her husband she immediately noticed her tension.
"I am not relaxed and I don't get lost in the act." Sometimes she thought about cases she was working on and at other times she focused on making sure her husband was satisfied.
In the next part of the session the therapist first gave Mathilde suggestions that she could allow herself to relax with her husband, that she could allow herself to climax with him.
The therapist again waited silently while Mathilde played the scene through in her mind.
When she signalled (with a broad smile) that the scene had reached a successful end, the therapist closed the session with positive suggestions about Mathilde allowing herself to be relaxed, focused on pleasure and allowed to climax when making love with her husband.
And so it was.
* * *
Hypnotherapy has also been used successfully to overcome other sexual problems such as overlubrication, exhibitionism, and to uncover the reason a client became a transvestite.
Before seeking help with a sexual difficulty it is important to be sure it really is a problem. For example, a man may go to a therapist because he believes he suffers from premature ejaculation. But if the man is married to a woman who dislikes sex, indeed "wants it over with as soon as possible," that's exactly what is happening, so where's the problem?
Twenty-five years old Eugene's problem was real enough: he could not become erect. A handsome, single, bus driver, Eugene had had several medical examinations; all the doctors had concluded there was no medical cause for his impotence.
At first, hypnotherapy did not help Eugene. He became more and more despondent about his failure, scared to date and unable to sleep at night.
The hypnotherapist had used approaches one or more of which usually resolve psychogenic impotence:
> positive suggestions
> aversive therapy
> satisfying imagery
> arm rigidity
But nothing worked.
The hypnotherapist finally decided to enlist the guidance of Eugene's subsconscious through finger signalling and direct relay of images in response to questions.
(With finger signalling -- also known as an ideodynamic technique -- a hypnotized person allows the subconscious to answer questions with predesignated fingers that represent "Yes," "No," "Don't Know," and "Not yet ready to answer").
This approach proved fruitful, although at first puzzling.
Hypnotherapist: "I'm going to ask your subconscious some questions. There's no need for you to think about the questions or the answers. Simply allow your subconscious to respond through the fingers it has selected.
You will probably feel a tingling begin in the finger that the subsconscious selects. Then it will lift as though of its own accord.
Now, I'd like to ask your subconscious if there is a purpose served by Eugene's impotence?"
[This question is often answered "yes" and subsequently leads to an explanation such as a desire to punish self or partner for some reason].
[Fimger responses are indicated with ( )].
Eugene: (No).
H: "Does the cause of the problem lie in Eugene's past?"
E: (Yes).
[This response steered the hypnotherapist along the wrong path. He took no account of the literalness with which the subconscious absorbs information. Consequently, the hypnotherapist understood the "Yes" response to mean that there was a specific event, a trauma or a message, that began Eugene's impotence. As was later revealed, the "cause in the past" referred, not to a particular event, but to an ongoing process.]
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 20?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 15?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Before 10?"
E: (No).
[Now the hypnotherapist, who erroneously assumes some single event happened, switches from finger responses to image responses].
H: "Okay. I'm going to ask the subconscious to present to your mind an image that is somehow connected to the problem we're dealing with."
E: "I'm in a shop. I don't know how old I am but a man picks me up. I'm very scared. He holds me to him. Someone else comes in and tells the man to put me down."
[The hypnotherapist thinks that it is possible something happened in the shop to subsequently cause Eugene to become impotent. However, further questioning reveals that Eugene sees little more than he has already reported. There appears to be no abuse, no negative messages (such as "You'll never be a man.")
The session is drawing to a close so the therapist reverts to ideomatic questioning. He decided to check the medical verdicts].
H: "Does the problem have any medical basis to it?"
E: [Long pause]. (No).
H: "Is there something physical that would help?"
E: (No).
H: "Is there something missing in Eugene's diet, or something he should not be eating or drinking?"
E: (Don't know/don't want to answer yet).
[Eugene snaps out of hypnosis, much to his own surprise. In previous sessions for other problems Eugene had enjoyed hypnosis so much he had been reluctant to emerge. He puts himself back into hypnosis].
H: "Okay. Our time is nearly up. I want to thank your subconscious for its help. I'm now asking it to provide you with a dream that will give you a strong indication on how to solve the problem that brought you here."
[Eugene once again snaps out of hypnosis].
H: "Wow. We're clearly close to something significant, otherwise you wouldn't come out so suddenly."
E: "I don't understand why. But while you were talking about me having a dream something floated into my mind: smoking."
H: [Incredulous]. "You smoke!"
E: "Yes, a lot."
H: "There you are. That's what your subconscious was telling us: the cause of your impotence is smoking! Have you stopped before?"
E: "Yes. For a while."
H: "And did you have erections okay then?"
E: [Thinks back]. "Yes, I did. I did."
[And the shop? Why did the subconscious throw that memory into Eugene's mind? Perhaps because the shop sold cigarettes.]
Copyright (c) 2005 Bryan M. Knight
